Battleangel | Personal

I’m not pleased to admit it but I have come to a full stop. Maybe it happened today, maybe two months ago, maybe it was two years back. My studies have ground to a halt. Actual employment seems far off. I have no plans for the future (not that I ever had) and I am experiencing complete disillusionment. That pretty much sums it up.

So here I am with two unfinished academic programs under my belt. I have never held a steady job. And I’m running out of time and options. Despite my outstanding qualities and my versatility, I find myself out of the loop. Ironic isn’t it. With plenty of informal competence that is never good for anything. My staunch conviction and integrity has made me unwanted. It doesn’t seem right. But then again, there isn’t much right in the world.

Tomorrow I will have it repressed once more. But right now it stalks my mind. It’s a relentless beast, fueled by past failures, self-doubt, biological instincts, social structures and the weight of the world.