Battleangel | Personal

Rain. Darkness. I had an on-site exam on a saturday afternoon. That sure stinks. I thought I had put all those things behind me really. I have become very complacent I suppose with exams usually being either project or home assignments / essays. On-site exams are tedious. You have to be on time for one. And you have to spend your exam with people you don’t know which makes the whole thing very uncomfortable. One should have the right to perform a test without the presence of other people. I had forgotten how much I really hated that as well. Not to mention the new tetchy examination rules that have been instituted since I’ve been gone. Seems all they do is add a certain fascist allure to the whole concept. And another thing, I feel really awkward with a pen these days. It’s been such a long time since I actually wrote anything in the physical world, especially under time constraints, that I’ve gotten rusty. My handwriting has actually deteriorated in the last couple of years. Of course that is a matter of training, but I don’t see why I should make the effort.

And what does it all amount to? Is it worth the price? Can one resist the conformity and yet prevail? So far I have not been so successful. The system seems insurmountable. I can’t help but ask myself those very basic questions. It has been what, six and a half years?
“Is it me or is it shadows that are dancing on the walls? Is this dream or is it now? Is this a vision or normality I see before my eyes? I wonder why I wonder how. That it seems the powers getting stronger every day.” [...] And as I recall it, the clairvoyant still couldn’t foresee his own demise.